i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
