I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
