Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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