I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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