It was confusing and full of hummus
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
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