He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
