I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
high people should be assigned attendants
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
