I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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