..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
