i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
