3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
