He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
