Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
