I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
