I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Randomize
