I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
