he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
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