the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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