there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
After last night, I could never be a politician.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
