I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
