If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
