So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
