Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
