Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
