I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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