my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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