ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
