Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
