She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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