haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
