if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
