and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
