happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
