Porn is love you can see.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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