I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
