In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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