guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
