i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
