shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
