theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
