I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Randomize
