God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i drank out of a bidet.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
