I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
