We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
