to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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