I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Randomize
