My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
