Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
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