apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
