I want you more than these girls want KFC
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
