Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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