When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
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