Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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