so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
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