Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
